laika's digital journal archive.
currently in year: 2020!
jan. | feb.

feb. 13 | 8.52 AM | cloudy

Yesterday was a good day, just like I predicted it to be. Class went by pretty quickly, I did better on an exam than I thought I would, and I'm slowly but surely being more creative and productive in my free time. Editing pictures is more fun than I remember it being, and I recently uploaded my first YouTube video! It's not the best thing in the world and there are a bit of mistakes there, but it was a test more than anything and I'm proud that it wasn't a complete dumpster fire.

I really need to code some CSS for this page but I have so many other pages to do first, lol. And I still don't have a clear plan for this either.

feb. 7 | 9.50 AM | cloudy

My penpal's letters finally came in! Originally, we were supposed to exchange letters the first time and then send them one at a time in response to each other after, but there was a mailing issue and her letter to me was delayed. To compensate, she sent me two letters (the original one and one in response to the one she had received from me) and I got them fairly quickly. I was so excited to see them and go through the both of them, I loved the letters and every little extra from washi to stickers to memo sheets and even photocards.

Pictured: Everything laid out from both envelopes.

Pictured: First envelope with the letter on top of it.

The first letter was Sumikko Gurashi themed, and that was easily recognizable from the tape alone. The picture below displays a mini SG envelope with SG themed memo sheets and an SG themed question sheet.

There were also a plethora of stickers in both envelopes. I kept shaking them to make sure I got everything out and sure enough, there was always more falling down like endless goodies. I really love them all, but I think my favorites are the semi translucent snacks on the left, the dinosaur eating the donut, Totoro, and Paco. I love classically cute stickers but I feel like those are really unique and not what I typically get from penpals. Also, there were many, many penguins in these letters.

Those stickers came from this tiny handmade envelope from the second envelope, which I love and was surprised was even handmade--it looks really good and was very sturdy.

And here's the blue envelope it came in. I loved the washi on this; it looked like calming ocean waves or gentle clouds in the sky. I'm not really sure which it is, but that makes it more versatile, doesn't it?

Something I've been lacking in lately has been washi. I mean, I do have a good amount of roles and some samples from other people, but man; I see some people with those huge collections of washi for every single theme and occasion under the sun, and it makes me feel like I'm just a bit underprepared in comparison. Luckily, Luma came in to save the day and gave me a four piece washi sample for each letter, which I'm super grateful for! The Maneki neko and mountain + cherry blossom washis are my favorite out of the bunch, and I can't wait to use them.

There were special sticky notes/memo sheets that I loved a lot. I love ones that aren't square, and have a unique texture or vibe or style to them. For this reason, I loved the rose and to-do list sheets, and I'm excited to include them in another letter. I also really liked this cute peach drink sheet and this moon sheet (I also really have a thing for realistic looking sheets.)

Last but certainly not least were the photocards I received. I really love Dokyeom as well as, well, all the members, and I found it pretty funny that S.coups was given to me (Luma and I have somewhat of a running gag involving him.) I liked the little pink photocard holder too, and I think I'll reuse it in my K-pop journal when I get to making it.

I'm going to write Luma back very soon; today I have a few errands to run, mainly job applications and then I have to do homework as always, but I'll get to writing before the weekend is over.

While we're still on the topic of penpals, my friend in Australia received my package and I was so surprised and also excited to hear that. He wanted to open it while we voicechat but he fell asleep; he'll be waking up in maybe six to eight hours max, and it's only 10 AM for me so I'll still definitely be up when he wakes up. I'm so excited for him to see all the things I've given him, and I also can't wait for him to write me back. I really love him, and I want to see where he takes his first penpal letter!

feb. 4 | 2.02 AM | cloudy

Hello. I meant to make an entry on the first but life caught up to me, and now I'm here four days later. I hope anyone who decides to read this has had a good start to February, or is looking towards something this month. For some reason, many people either have tremendous difficulty or immense luck during this month, and it's really interesting to see everyone's superstitions about it even if I think fate happens on its own time and not according to the months of the year, haha.

I've been slacking off quite a bit lately. My room's become a mess and my most common excuse is that there's no where to put my craft tools, which is most certainly true but also a copout to fully clean the things that I can; I'll have the motivation to do it later today because my friend is visiting on Thursday and I'd rather die than expose her to this mess, and I've got class Wednesday (I'll be too exhausted to want to clean then). I have to do an essay and some other assignments and I'm kind of upset with myself for procrastinating as I have. The good news is that the essay is nearly done and I've completed most of my info-tech work, meanwhile the other things I have to do should be relatively easy if I just... set out to do it.

I have this really awful habit of looking at a list of what I have to do: for an example, an essay, my info-tech assignments, my anthropology open ended questionnaire-thing, and studying for an exam on the 12th, and I get so worked up and stressed that I don't realize these things can be accomplished kind of easily. In fact, I think the essay will take less than an hour to finish while my other assignments will be relatively quick. I don't think I'll spend more than four hours max if I just focus, and I don't even need to start studying until the 8th. Sure I'm typing this all out instead of doing the work itself, but I find that allowing myself to relax lets me get work done easier.

I really need to code the CSS page for this, and I feel bad that I've been putting it off for so long working on other pages when this is the one I'll consistently update the most. I need to find an easy way to organize my monthly entries so that things don't get too long, lost, or confusing, but I'll figure that all out later. For now, I'll do my essay.

jan. 31 | 7.02 PM | clear

I've been feeling good for a long while so I guess it's only fair I feel sad now. Although I don't want to feel sad, I think it's healthy to experience this once in a while even if it's hard to come up from. As for what I'm sad about, I guess it's pretty minute, but it still gets to me sometimes... I'll spoiler it. I wish I could just like, let myself enjoy fantasies of dating my perfect person without my insecurities having to butt in. I like to imagine that someone as beautiful as the stars in the night sky would fall in love with me, even if that's wholly unrealistic, but I keep hearing my thoughts tell me that no one attractive would want me because why would they want to settle for less when they could have more? Which is true but damn it, this is my fantasy land, lol. Let me have this one thing.

I just realized today is the last day of the first month of January. It's only been one month in 2020 and the entire world is falling apart, you love to see it.

jan. 30 | 5.33 PM | clear

I think I'm done with compulsory heterosexuality. I spent sometime the past week or two questioning myself and trying to get adjusted to the male physique via thinking about men and imagining what it would be like to date one and yep, that lifestyle isn't at all for me. I guess because I was finding my favorite K-Pop idols cute I began to question myself which is kind of silly, but at least I can say I did it. I'm certain of my sexuality now and I'm ready to embrace it fearlessly, including the hardships and ugly sides and all.

I'm thinking of making these adorable cookies, although I don't know about buying the cookie cutter just for the leaf shape. I'm just in love with anything matcha flavored and I'd love to try my hand at baking. I have a whole bunch of other things I want to make, but these are taking top priority right now. Will definitely post if I make them, lol.

jan. 28 | 7.25 PM | clear

Remembered I have college tomorrow and now I'm dreading it, haha. All of my classes are so unbelievably boring and I just don't want to go.ㅠㅠ

jan. 24 | 11.36 PM | clear

Today I reconnected with a friend I haven't talked to steadily in like, two years, and I just realized how much I love him. He's such a sweetheart despite all the garbage he and I have gone through, and it's awesome to see how much we've matured, changed, and stayed the same since those two years we were really friends. There's a lot that I didn't think he would have in common with me, and it's actually so mind-blowing to me to have someone who's just as enthusiastic about the things I am. People I talk to typically have mellow responses to the things I like (if they really respond at all), I guess because they have other things they would rather be interested in, but this friend genuinely seems to reciprocate my feelings of excitement towards my interests. One of these interests includes penpal-ing, and I actually just made a letter out to him filled with goodies (a playlist, washi samples, memo sheets, and a letter of course! with a matching envelope on the inside). I sealed it up and I don't necessarily want to open up the contents because I believe a lot of it should be kept private, but here is the decorated outside envelope (which will go inside ANOTHER envelope... envelope in an envelope in an envelope, haha.)

You're probably thinking, "Wow, this picture is scuffed." And I agree with you. My picture quality is not good, neither is my lighting, and I'm awful with keeping my hands steady. But just imagine this picture was taken well; I put a lot of effort into the envelope at least, lol.

jan. 23 | 8.40 PM | clear

My mother's boyfriend is no longer using his printer, so I was given it today for free! It's brand new and its only flaw is that the black ink cartridge is a bit messed up, but I only print colorful things, so it doesn't matter, haha. I got a lot done on my junk journal and although it isn't the sturdiest thing nor made in the most practical manner, it's so cute and I can't wait to hurry up and finish.

jan. 20 | 10.19 AM | sunny

Yesterday, I had a ton of fun with two of my friends from highschool. We went out to the mall and got asian snacks (taiyaki and mochi) and boba, and it was awesome! It was freezing outside so unfortunately we couldn't take walks around the neighborhood, but they ended up hanging out at my house after where it was warm. One of my friends is a huge K-Pop fan like myself so we watched vids, listened to music, and had our non K-Pop friend dance to some of the dances (which was hilarious, lol! I'm smiling just thinking about it.) We also watched some videos about animated films that was really funny, got an inside joke out of it, and talked about some crazy drama and our old friends who're now far away. I'm so glad that even after the years I spent apart from them, they're still the same people I always knew; our senses of humor haven't changed at all, but we've become more mature since we're all adults. It's crazy to think that someone I met when he was 16 is turning 20 in just a couple of months, like wow, that's four whole years that I've known you for! My other friend who is 18-turning-19, I knew her for even longer and it's insane that through all of our ups and downs and good and bad phases, we're still friends. It's really amazing, actually, to reflect on that kind of thing when I've never really been one to think of IRL friends. I'm kind of a hermit so it means a lot to me.

Recently, I've been questioning my sexuality. I've never talked to men that much; ever since I was young, I was constantly picked on by boys which gave me extreme anxiety around them, and even now the idea of making a male friend kind of intimidates me. I don't really know what spurred this on since I'm perfectly fine being gay, but here I am, thinking about it. Even just talking about this makes me feel super silly, but what better time to go out of your comfort zone than college? I decided to ask out my male friend to which he gave a pretty nebulous answer... I guess it doesn't help that I'm not very good at reading people, either. I'm still anxious about everything but I'm hoping we can hang out sometime before the weekend, as I kind of want to get to it as quickly as possible. Praying to the gods rn that all goes well, haha. \o/

jan. 17 | 2.07 PM | sunny

Today and during the late hours of last night, I've been working on pieces for my junk journal that I'm making! It's going to be pastel/cute themed and I think what I've made so far is pretty good for a first timer, although unlike most junk journals, there is no real 'vintage' aspect to it. I think challenging myself to doing a theme that's more contemporary and without a digital kit as well was probably not a great idea for a first time junk journal, but I want to personalize and do things the way I want to even if it isn't exactly how most people do it. Anyways, I suck at taking pictures so I'll wait to do so when I clean my desk so that the pictures of what I made are at least a little presentable. I've been thinking of making a junk journal for a couple of weeks now, and although I'm still waiting for some more supplies, it's good to be able to craft some things in the meantime! Using pieces of things that you would never use again or even think to use for crafts, called ephemera, is my favorite part of junk journaling (and penpaling). for an example, I received some pieces of cotton with a purchase I made and I added it to one of the charms I made for my journal, and I also plan to use an adorable empty candy bag as well. (it doesn't seem to be from an actual brand, i think it's just a bag my penpal used to store the candy she gave me, but it happens to be too cute to throw away!)

jan. 16 | 1.21 PM | cloudy

college started on the 13th, a couple of days after I saw the seventeen concert! the concert was amazing, I got to see SVT at such a close distance, it was so hard to believe they were even real ㅠㅠ jeonghan was adorable as always, and i'm so relieved that he has been making progress in recovering from his dizziness! I purchased a caratbong there (pictured here; it's so pretty!) that I plan to decorate with stickers, crystals, flowers, and wool. I hope that SVT comes around the US again soon, I miss them already!

college has been okay. it's really exhausting and a bit boring right now as it's just started, and i'm mostly bored out of my mind when I go there, haha. My professor cancelled two days in a row which was kind of disappointing (mostly because I had to wait two hours for one of those days because I didn't see the email TT) but that's okay. When my journaling materials come around, I'll have something to do when I'm not studying, doing homework, or eating, which is more exciting than college itself!

I bumped into one of my friends from high school and caught up with him and how he was doing when I had my two hour break between classes. We haven't talked in about a year but not much has changed about us, and it feels really comfortable and nice knowing that he's still around. we made plans to go get boba with another friend which I'm excited for, the boba shop near my house is very good!